THIS WEBSITE IS 100% PRO-WATER GUNNER. NO GUNNERS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS SITE.
THE WATER GUNNER
Meet Frances — a law student who studies harder than everyone else
but somehow never makes it annoying. She's the proof that you can
raise your hand without raising your blood pressure.
(This is a compliment disguised as a roast. Frances is the best.)
WATER GUNNER • NOT A GUNNER • ALL THE STUDYING • NONE OF THE ANNOYING • FRANCES IS A WATER GUNNER • RAISES HAND WITHOUT INTERRUPTING • STUDIES HARD BUT DOESN'T BRAG • WATER GUNNER • NOT A GUNNER • ALL THE STUDYING • NONE OF THE ANNOYING • FRANCES IS A WATER GUNNER • RAISES HAND WITHOUT INTERRUPTING • STUDIES HARD BUT DOESN'T BRAG •
THE EVIDENCE
Photographic proof that Frances is a water gunner. Each image has been peer-reviewed by absolutely nobody.
EXHIBIT A
Caught looking like she actually did the reading. That's not a filter — that's genuine comprehension of Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.
WATER GUNNER
EXHIBIT B
Caught smiling with her boyfriend without once mentioning her outline. That's restraint. That's water gunner energy.
CERTIFIED
EXHIBIT C
Appears to be enjoying a beverage. Meanwhile, she's mentally reciting the elements of adverse possession. Classic water gunner behavior.
EXEMPLARY
WHAT IS A WATER GUNNER?
A field guide to the rarest species in law school.
Water Gunner
noun. A law student who actually does the reading,
participates in class, and somehow maintains friendships in the process.
Unlike a regular gunner, a water gunner does all the work without the
insufferable personality. They are the platonic ideal of a law student —
competent, prepared, and not terrible to sit next to.
Etymology: From "water gun" — fun, refreshing, and absolutely harmless.
Opposite of a regular gunner, which is more like a real gun — dangerous and unwelcome.
THE TRAITS
A comprehensive list of what makes Frances the ultimate water gunner.
01.
Does the reading and doesn't make it everyone else's problem
EXEMPLARY
02.
Raises hand in class without sighing audibly first
WHOLESOME
03.
Has an outline that's actually organized and helpful
LEGENDARY
04.
Answers questions correctly without making others feel dumb
EXEMPLARY
05.
Studies at the library without performing it for an audience
WHOLESOME
06.
Knows the Rule Against Perpetuities and doesn't bring it up at parties
LEGENDARY
07.
Gets good grades without making it a personality trait
EXEMPLARY
08.
Volunteers for group projects and actually does the work
WHOLESOME
09.
Has read the whole casebook and only mentions it when relevant
LEGENDARY
10.
Participates in Socratic dialogue without holding the class hostage
EXEMPLARY
11.
Knows every professor's coffee order but doesn't weaponize it
WHOLESOME
12.
Exists in law school and is genuinely pleasant about it
LEGENDARY
WHAT PEOPLE SAY
Real quotes from real people who have witnessed Frances's water gunner ways.
She answered the question perfectly and then just... stopped talking. Who does that? Water gunners. That's who.
Shocked Classmate — 1L Section B
I asked to see her outline expecting a mess. It was color-coded. With a table of contents. I've never felt more inadequate.
Outlines Anonymous — Law School
Frances raised her hand, gave a perfect answer, and then said "but I might be wrong." That's not humility — that's water gunner propaganda.
Professor — Evidence Class
She studies for 6 hours, goes out with friends, and still looks like she got 8 hours of sleep. It's unnatural. It's water gunner behavior.
Jealous 2L — Library 3rd Floor
I've never heard Frances complain about cold calls. Not once. She just answers and moves on. What is she hiding?
Suspicious 1L — Contracts
She brought homemade cookies to study group AND had a complete Property outline ready. Pick a lane, Frances. You're making us all look bad.
Study Group — Traumatized
GUNNER vs. WATER GUNNER
A side-by-side comparison proving why water gunners are superior.
Category
Regular Gunner
Water Gunner
Hand Raising
Every 2 minutes
When they have something to say
Outlines
Shares unsolicited
Offers when asked
Grades
Won't shut up about them
Keeps them private
Study Habits
Performs for audience
Actually studies
Class Participation
Holds class hostage
Adds to discussion
Social Skills
What social skills?
Has friends outside law school
Coffee Orders
Memorizes to manipulate
Remembers because nice
Personality
"I'm pre-law" energy
Actual human being
FREQUENTLY ASKED
Questions people have been asking about Frances and the water gunner phenomenon.
It is now. We made a whole website about it. Frances didn't ask for this, but she deserves it.
No. That's the whole point. She does all the work of a gunner without any of the insufferable behavior. She's the upgrade.
Step 1: Do the reading. Step 2: Don't be annoying about it. Step 3: There is no step 3. It's that simple and yet somehow most people fail.
It's satire and also a love letter. We're not lawyers yet, but when we pass the bar, we'll let you know.
A try-hard wants you to know they're trying. A water gunner just does it. The effort is invisible. The results are not.
You already did by reading this far. Thank you for your service. Now go do your reading.
HOW TO BECOME A WATER GUNNER
A three-step guide to achieving water gunner status.
📖
DO THE READING
All of it. Not the briefs. Not the summary. The actual cases. Yes, they're long. Yes, it's worth it.
Your support is anonymous. Frances will never know it was you. Probably.
THANK YOU FOR VISITING • WATER GUNNER APPRECIATION SOCIETY • FRANCES IS THE GOAT • WATER GUNNER FRANCES • THANK YOU FOR VISITING • WATER GUNNER APPRECIATION SOCIETY • FRANCES IS THE GOAT • WATER GUNNER FRANCES •
